Happy is not everybody Happy

A lot in my life i have want family. You know Love ocaring all that good shit but it just dint work that way and i have became somewhat okay with that even though my mind can not grasp the confusion of the bullshit that comes out mutha fuckas mouths but again that is okay iguess but my soul feels empty somedays but the differance in back then and [now i have control over the amount of anger the disrespect carries i am sober and clean and very focused being schizophrenic its hard trying to stay cool is hard but i just stay away from the lbullshit because sir and maam i would be in someones jail an that alone catches my eye for THE POWER OF THE MENTAL yeah this is all over the place only because i havent really been able to jot shit down but now there is not one fucking excuse i get shocked in myself when i buy shoes and not drugs or a bottle i even quit cigeretts and OMG i can not stan dthe smell at fucking all but i finally locked in with the secutary UNDERPRESSURE365M.E is finally mine im so proud of me but when your doing big things in life being stable and shit i thought ….. well i thought wrong as hell i am afraid of even telling anyone because im so use to my family taking my happy and hooking it to a 18 wheeler in south Louisiana on a hot day and dragging it cant forget through the fucking swamp my soul needs family love or maybe i just think that shit but my biggest dream is a chocolate family with a chocolate fence with a sexy chocolate husband but im to the point to where i will hurt somebody if they hurt me at this moment YES IM IN A RELATIONSHIP HE IS AMAZING but we are not Married and thats a life Goal and if it dosnt change im moving on SIMPLE AS THAT YA FEEL ME but i will never depend on any other human in any form to make me happy I MAKE MYSELF HAPPY but beside me having abandonment and trust issues i do not want to go back to jail or mental facility and disrespect makes me itch OKAY MAYBE I DONT HAVE COMPLETE CONTROL whatever im human but i will continue my Journy to be better for all my children and my future husband but MAINLY MYSELF but im a lot more comfortable when everyone is smiling DAMN MY EMPATHY ASS


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